even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
