The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
