whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
