Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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