she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
