Her vagina should come with caution tape.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
