So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
