why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
as a side note pls kill me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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