Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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