I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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