i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
