Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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