if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
