I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
