at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
