Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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