Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You are a genius and a whore.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
