i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
