Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
