I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
