All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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