Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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