i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
