why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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