you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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