He told me they were just razor bumps!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
