My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize