Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
