he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
