i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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