Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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