No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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