Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
