Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
