Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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