So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
