A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
