I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
