Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
