You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
