If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
