sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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