there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
