Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That accounts for only three of the penises
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
