her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
