uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you win again, gameday.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
