never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my being single is dangerous.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
