Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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