I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
