So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
