This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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