Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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