do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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