Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
