Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
