Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
