That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
