remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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