Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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