I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize