just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
