the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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