she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
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Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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