Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
