3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i permit you to call me
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
