Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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