My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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