So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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